Versus
by peach petal9
Summary: A show about topics up for debate, but can the FF teams come to a agreement, or will a battle ensue?
1. White vs Black

Boy, I haven't put anything out in a while. I hope I'm not too rusty at this.

ON WITH THE SHOW!

It's time for the show VERSUS!

Edea is sitting in the center of the stage with two rows of seats on either side of her. On her left are the red seats and on her right are the blue. She smiles and stands up to greet the audience. "Welcome! I am Edea, your host for the show called VERSUS!"

The crowd applauds. She bows, "Yes, this is the show where controversial topics are discussed and debated over with the high celebrities and experts in those particular topics. Now, let us introduce our first guest."

An announcer continues, "She is a practicing white wizard, opposite her twin brother's apprenticing: She is Porom!"

Porom walks on the stage blushing bashfully and waving as she takes a seat in the blue chair. The crowd cheers for her. "We love you Porom!" She blushes.

"Next, he is the Captain of the Highwind, Cid!"

He jumps onto the stage and struts confidently to a red chair and sits down. Big cheers and hoots greet him as he grins and lights up.

"Next,a boy with many talents, Gau!"

Gau crawls onto the stage and turns to look at the audience. His eyes go wide and he starts to jump up and down."Wow, all for Gau? ROAR!" The crowd goes wild. He runs back and forth across the stage until Edea tells him he has to sit down. He takes a seat next to Porom. She looks at him hesitantly, but he just grins back at her.

"Next, famous for his hit show, Life with Birds and Beasties, it's Cait Sith!"

He bounces onto the stage and is greeting with huge applause. "OH! You like me, you really like my show! Hee Hee!" He sits next to Gau, or rather parks his moggle beside him. Gau looks at him and sniffs. Cait Sith smiles. "Meow!"

Gau quirks his head. "You a stuffed cat?"

"Oh!" Cait Sith gasped.

"Next, we have the Commander of Balamb Garden, and hitting big with his show I Want to Believe, Squall Leonheart."

Many girls in the audience scream and cry. He shakes his head as he walks out and sits next to Cid.

"Finally, she is the Queen of Baron and master White Wizard, Rosa!"

She walks out gracefully and sits next to Squall. It's the guys turn to whistle and yell. As everyone settles down, Edea walks up to a gong and begins. "Ok, today's topic is…" She hit's the gong. BRAAAA!

"White magic and Black magic, is one stronger than the other? We will also discuss Effect magic, should it stand on its own or be split into the two main groups? Let us start with Porom." Edea sits back down and focuses on the young girl.

Porom starts off a little shaky. "W-well, I know my focus is on white magic and I have to say it has never let me down. I believe it has a good defense edge to it and even if you have holy as one of your only offensive spells, cure, heal, and slow can work wonders. White magic is a great aid to any battle, ask anyone who has been in one and I'm sure they will tell you that they would never have made it out without a healer."

The crowd applauds for a moment and she gets more confident. "And let us be frank, who isn't frustrated when it comes to killing zombies or undead creatures?" She gets more applause for this. Rosa nods her head in agreement. Cid looks up at the ceiling as he ponders this, rolling his cigarette. Squall crosses his arms and just shakes his head.

"I think effect magic should not be in its own class, it's much easier when it's available for the black and white wizards to train with it in their schooling. It has been this way since the first wizards and I think it would be wrong to change a tradition of training. Most status magic was given to the white wizard, although nowadays black wizards have their own as well."

Edea leans over to her. "I am sorry Porom, but I must ask you to wrap up your argument."

Porom nods to her and continues. "Yes, I think they should be specifically separated by defense and offensive effects and given to black and white wizards." She lets out a little sigh of relief and settles back into her chair. Edea smiles at her and turns to the screen.

"Very good, now let us hear from Rosa. Would you like to begin?"

Rosa nods, "Thank you, I must admit I have to disagree. I believe the recent debate to give status magic it's own field is the correct path. I think that it is the strongest magic being that it is both offensive and defensive. Don't get me wrong, I have been able to survive a battle on my own using only white magic, however, the edge I have had in these instances was that status magic was at my disposal. I would use haste, slow, stop, muddle, and with reflect and blink or image as some would say, I have defeated my enemies. I owe a lot to our ancestors for teaching us these spells and I believe now is the time to honor status magic and give it its own category. "

The crowd applauds and she bows to them in thanks. She continues after they settle down. "As for black magic vs. white, I have to say…well, status magic!"

Edea takes over again. "Thank you Queen Rosa, by the way, I love your outfit."

"Oh, why thank you."

"Next, let's talk to.." She looks at Gau who looks ready. "Gau!"

"OOGA! ROOOOOAAAAARRRR!"

Edea jumps slightly at this but regains herself. "Oookay…Cid."

Cid looks up from inspecting his boots. "Huh? Oh, the best strategy I've had is to learn all kindsa white magic and with my weapon at it's strongest, KICK SOME A-"

"Uh please refrain from using any offensive language please." Edea jumps in.

Cid blinks with a slightly hurt expression. "Uh, okay. Ah, I don't know much about effect magic but I think it's in it's own class because it come from different materia." he finishes with a yawn.

Edea nods and looks over at Squall " Alright, Squall it's your turn."

Squall takes a deep breath before starting and looks at the other guests. "Well, I know--" he coughs suddenly as he breathed in Cid's smoke. He glares at him but continues as his look goes unnoticed. "We all use magic differently and it varies from continent to continent, in this case, world to world, but I believe black magic is better." There's a small murmur that runs through the room, but it stops quickly.

"My Doomtrain and Diablos use status in a way, but it can't really categorize as status or black being that I bring it up with a GF. So that leaves black and white magic. I feel black magic is stronger, in a sense that when you talk about strength, you are judging something to be most effective in eliminating an obstacle in the most efficient and quickest way possible before you risk you and your party from be hit with a harsh attack or a KO. Black magic does this by far, with the most positive results." Squall leans back and lets out another sigh.

Surpisingly, he gets a huge applause. Edea smiles and thanks him. "Finally, let us hear from Cait Sith and afterwards, I will let you debate with each other until time is up. Please, inform us of your thoughts, sir."

Cait Sith purred with content. "Thank you. Meow! The best thing is good debilitating effect magic. Then the enemy is yours for the taking. Also, status magic is essential to building the perfect defense against other magic users of this kind. Oh I know things are immune to this magic but most are not. Even if you have no other kind of magic… it will give you an attacking advantage."

The gong is struck making Caith Sith squeak. "Alright," Edea begins. "it is time for the free-for-all round. Please try not to get physical."

Porom starts first frowning at Squall. "I must disagree with Squall, you can't simply think of a battle that way, there are too many other objectives such as taking care of your comrades."

"Well, I could say the same for you. You must take care of your comrades by avoiding such severe attacks from happening by taking out your enemy as quick as possible. What if you came across a creature that absorbs holy or has no effect? What are you left with? You're nothing without your twin brother." Squall counters. He looks at her intensely.

Porom is taken back. "But I'm just an apprentice right now." Her voice wavers.

Squall can see where this is leading to. (_Oh great, a crybaby_.) "Ok, let me rephrase that. I'm not judging your skill personally. Alright, lets say this, suppose your were equally matched and this creature absorbs holy, your one offensive spell, are you just gonna hit it with your stick?"

Squall soon realizes he hasn't fixed the situation and the little girl's face scrunches up and tears begin to well up. "(sniff) I can try. WAAAAAHHH!"

Rosa gets up and quickly goes over to comfort her. She throws a disgusted look Squall's way and he just stares back indifferent. "Now look what you've done!" She pats Porom's head and nudges Gau to switch seats. Gau gets up but takes Cait Sith' s. "Wait, that's my-"

"Kitty go over dare. Smells like plastic. Go wif other smelly things."

"OH!" Cait Sith tries to protest but gives up and sits next to Squall. Rosa continues to comfort Porom.

"There there, he didn't mean it, the bad boy."

"But I did mean it. I'm trying to make a point!" Squall argues back. (_What is with these girls_?)

Cid meanwhile has fallen asleep in his chair, his cigarette very close to being burnt to the filter. Cait Sith has situated himself and jumps in.

"Me-ow! It's like I said before, debilitate!" He stops to ponder this. "I guess a little bit of offensive would help." He snaps his paws. (Can he do that?) "Wait! I've not come across a beast that wasn't weak against some kind of status effect."

Apparently, the others have not heard the cat. Squall continues to defend his argument. "How are you going to kill your enemy if all you know is healing attributes? At least with black magic you've got fire and ice and other sorts of means to eliminate your foe. There is not one enemy that I have come across that some black magic didn't have some kind of effect on it."

"I believe status is the way to go. I have heard of your spell Meltdown. It is not black magic, it is clearly status and you can't do without it when going up against dangerous enemies." Rosa counters back.

"See! I was right, or at least I'm being agreed with." Cait Sith throws out but again goes unnoticed.

"Yeah, but if it's at an equal match, how hard do you think it will be to confuse it or silence it? Besides, one hit to itself and it snaps out of it. Poison effects will only get you so far and that's taking into account that poison goes in as a status effect or black magic effect." Squall sits back up and stares hard at Rosa.

Rosa doesn't back down. "Then use holy! It can't be weak against both."

Gau jumps in. "GAU SAYS GO HOME SQUALL, TOO NOISY! HA HA HA HA!

"Shut up!" he snaps back. Gau sticks his tongue out at him.

"Gau use monsters on da Vedlt. Magic not necessary."

Squall pleads with his arms spread. "Why is he even here?" He decides another approach.

"You use monsters, correct?"

"Yeah, monsters Gau's fwiend."

"Ok, what's better a curing monster, an attacking monster, or a monster that just dings around throwing confusion or going berserk? Cough, cough! Somebody put out that cigarette!" Squall chokes up and waves the grey smoke away.

Cid wakes up and puts out his stub. "Hey," he says lazily, "where are we at? Is our side winning?"

Cait Sith shakes his head sadly, still feeling the sting of neglect. "I don't think that's how the show operates, Cid."

Cid looks at him,"when did you get on our side?"

Porom, having regained her voice, comes back for her argument. "You have to be persistent! Just keep on a pattern and you can win!"

"What pattern? If you mean to make a measly attempt at attacking then curing yourself, it won't work" Squall retorts.

Porom starts to tear up again. "(sob) But not if I fight and mix it with a little magic."

Cait Sith put his paws to his cheeks. "Uh oh, she's at it again."

"I'm not doing it on purpose." she whines flailing her arms helplessly.

Cait Sith nodded with sympathy. "We see your point, but maybe you should work on your accuracy, hmm?"

Porom "…." She begins to wail.

Rosa comes to her aid. "Leave her accuracy out of this! She's a child she doesn't have the battle experience we have yet! Don't cry, Porom it's just a machine."

"Oh!" Cait Sith has had it crosses his arms, refusing to help anyone anymore.

Cid let's out a big laugh. "HA HA HA! That's funny! Cheer up, sis! I kinda fight the same way only I got a lance technique at back me up." He begins to light up another cigarette, but Squall takes a swipe at it.

"Gimme that cigarette!"

"No, give it back you teddy-boy wanna-be!"

"At least I look like I take a shower."

"Anyway I'm sticking to status!" Cait Sith added.

Suddenly Ifrit appears out of nowhere. "NOW THAT'S ENOUGH!"

Everyone goes quiet at the surprise drop-in. Edea speaks up. "Well, I'm afraid that is all the time we have. Good arguments all around, although there doesn't seem to be a clear definition of which magic takes first place. So I deem it all a tie. Squall, it was great to hear you stick up for your beliefs all by yourself. That's it for today's show tune in next time."

Notes- Hmm, I don't know how to feel about this chapter's tone. Let me know what you think.


	2. Locke Cole and Ultros

It's time for Versus!

The announcer comes on. "Controversial comes close to describing this show. Here is you host, Edea!"

Edea is sitting center stage again ready for another show. "Hello and welcome. I'm Edea and this is Verses, a show were debatable topics are disputed for a short length of time by some of our global celebrities, but first, a word from our sponsors."

---------

"The Balamb Garden 'Fizzy' Fundraiser"

Nida comes on screen and bows. "Hi. My name is Nida and I'm a spokesperson for Balamb garden. Gee, I hope you've heard of me. Uh, you know, the pilot…uh-nevermind. The United Gardens Association has begun a fundraiser to help rebuild and repair Balamb and Galbadia as well as the complete reconstruction of Trabia. They need a home folks. After multiple battles, we've been pretty battered and we need your help. Our Gardens' student bodies have come up with a great way for you to beat the heat and help our situation. Introducing our new FF8 soda pop! Here with more is one of Balamb Garden's students, Selphie Tilmitt."

Selphie walks on and waves. "Hi everybody! This is Selphie from Selphie Tilmitt's Talk Show here! I'm so happy to offer this wonderful pop to you and proud to say that because of my work for Garden I'm being honored with my very own flavor. It's my very favorite…ORANGE!"

"Yep. Selphie's Orange Fizz. Cute, huh? Other students and notable people are also habing special garden recipe soda flavors named after them and we will advertise these flavors in shows to come. So, show your spirit and help us out and we'll help you quench your thirst! They are only 200 Gil a can or 300 Gil per bottle. Thanks a million! Bye!"

The announcer comes back on as the show begins. "Versus is also brought to you by Gold Saucer! Visit Gold Saucer today and make a memory! And now, back to our show!"

Edea takes over. "And its time for us to meet our guests who will be on the panel in today's episode. First, we have a famous femme, General Celes."

The audience applauds for the general as she makes her way onto the stage. She sits down on the blue side.

"Next, a professor of Magi Technology, Cid."

Cid comes on still dressed in his radiation suit. He takes a seat on the red side.

"A girl with the ability to paint other creature's abilities, Relm."

As she walks on stage, Owzer can be heard, "Relm please finish my painting."

She nods and sits next to Celes.

"Next, a powerful sage, Gil."

Gil walks slowly onto the stage, not getting too much applause. (Do they know who he is?)He sits next to Relm.

"Next, an extremely unorthodox scientist, Hojo."

The creepy scientist gets booed and he just cackles and he sits next to Cid. Cid begins to squirm uncomfortably.

"And finally, a mysterious brother, Golbez."

Golbez almost dances in with his dark cape billowing around him. He takes the last seat next to Hojo.

"Today, we are going to debate over a special topic that is on everyone's mind. There seem to be plenty of theories, but no substantial facts of logic. The topic for today is…"

BRAAAA!

"What happened to Locke Cole? We all heard the hit court show's disturbingly disgusting accident involving a battle, an octopus, and a happy popper-finger bailiff. We would like to note that the colored seats are only for special sessions that we shall announce before the match up." Edea turns to Celes.

"Would you mind going first?"

Celes nods. "Thank you. Well, I was there and, honestly, I don't have a perfect explanation for the incident, but…" she lets out a sigh, "Poor Locke."

Golbez is heard muttering under his breath. "What does she see in that weirdo?"

Celes shoots him an ugly look but continues on. "Um, anyway, I believe Ultros pulled some sort of slight of tentacle and kidnapped him. With some sort of illusion, or gas, he distracted our attention and took off. Only Ultros would create such a petty prank to make himself look like he outwitted us, thank you."

Edea moves on as Gil nods that he would like to go next. "Next, we will hear from Gil."

"Ooh, well, I believe that this Ultros fellow must have great manipulation of dimensional planes. Of course, this would require a great deal of magical skill; I have heard that octopuses are very intelligent for invertebrates and might mean he is capable of such ability."

Relm jumps in at this. "He's just a dumb octopus."

Gil is taken back at her interruption. "OOH! You should wait your turn young lady."

"Yes, Relm. Please wait your turn." Edea reminds the girl. Relm shakes her head and points to her chest.

"Well it's my turn anyways!"

Edea sighs. "Go ahead."

Relm grins and stands up. "He just uses a warp spell and makes the splash sound with his mouth and Locka jumped in." she giggles.

"That's Locke, Relm not Locka." Celes scolds.

"Locka, Lacky, Loco! Hee-hee!" Relm continues.

Celes shakes her head. "Oh, Relm don't!"

"heh heh heh!" Golbez chuckles.

Edea regains order. "Ahem, let us hear from Cid."

Cid nods and gets up. "Good point. Well I believe I have met this Locke before. An agile fellow he is, and I have heard of this infamous Ultros and his disappearing act. I believe it is just a matter of scientific hypothesis. If Ultros and Locke disappear into the dimension of X," he gets up to a black board that mysteriously appeared and begins to draw out scientific equations, "and X is unknown (scribble scribble) then we simply must extract Locke from Ultros to get X and reveal Ultros' lair."

Edea looks thoroughly intrested. "Um, that's all very interesting Professor Cid but how exactly do we 'extract' Locke?"

"Good point, now we get into the discussion of Locke-a-tek extraction. Simply apply the same formula of magitek extraction to the place where Locke was last positioned and—

Suddelnly there is a sound of a bell.

"Uh I'm sorry Professor, that was all very fascinating, but I'm afraid we must move on to our next guest."

"Oh, very well." Cid sits down slowly.

"Next, we have Golbez."

Golbez just waves his hand at them. "I would first like to note that I really don't care what happens to him."

Celes jumps up. "How cruel!"

Golbez just shrugs. "Perhaps so, however, my explanation will give my reason as well. I believe that Locke and Ultros are in this little circus act together."

"NO!" Celes shouts. Edea points to her chair.

"Miss Chere, wait until it is the free-for-all."

"Let me explain," he continues, "have you ever noticed whenever you are in a fight with Ultros, Locke is always present? Locke was at the opera, he was on the raft, and he was there in the courtroom."

"But he's the bailiff!" she counters.

"Celes, please or I'll be forced to exempt you from the debate!" Edea warns her.

"Yes, but has anyone questioned why Locke, a thief, is the bailiff? Thank you."Golbez ends his argument.

Edea nods and looks at everyone. "Very good. Now before we go to the last person, I would like to remind everyone to please let the guest speak first. We will all have a chance to say what's on our minds in the free-for-all. Go ahead Hojo."

Hojo adjusts his tie. "Might I say, first of all, Ms. Edea would you be interested in sharing your genetic make-up with me in the name of science?"

Edea turns away, disgusted. "No!"

Hojo shrugs. "Very well, I will get straight to the point. I like to think that Ultros and Locke weren't supposed to jump in together and that somewhere, someplace they have popped out merged together as one hideous looking creature and you'll never see Locke again! MWA HAHAHAHAHA!"

BRAAAAaaa!

"It's time to defend yourself! The free-for-all round has begun." Edea jumps out of the way as she sees Celes jump up again.

"You guys over there have no respect and no hearts if you can say and think those things!" she shouts.

Hojojust keeps laughing like a madman. Cid tries to defend his theory.

"It is just a matter of logic and science, besides I didn't say anything bad about him!"

Relm jumps in. "I did kinda wonder why Locka was the bailiff. I mean, if he tried to arrest Sabin, he would get his a.. kicked!"

Celes turns to the little girl, shocked. "Relm! Its Locke, not Locka! Oh! And watch your language, young lady!"

Relm sticks her tongue out. "Bossy! I still think he used a warp spell!"

Golbez is amused by her he squats down as she walks up to him. "And he made a splashy sound with his mouth?"

Relm giggles as she tugs slightly on his cape. "Yeah, like this… SPSHHHH!"

Golbez tries to imitate the sound. "Splish?"

Relm shakes her head. "No, SPSHHH! Hey, can I paint your picture."

Gil decides to speak as Celes snatches Relm away from the dark knight. "I believe the universe has its mysterious secrets that must remain hidden to those who are not capable of understanding it."

"SPSHH!" Relm splashes in his ear.

"Young lady!" Gil leaps up furiously. Celes tries to snatch her again, but she runs away.

Running around the room, she continues to make the noise. "Hee hee! SPSHHH! SPSHHH! SPSHHH!"

"Mysteries, shmysteries! I, Hojo, know all the mysteries of the universe. The universe is MINE! MWA HA HA HA !" Hojo sets out to laugh again, but Relm sneaks up on him.

"SPSHHH!"

"ACK!" He is suddenly seized with a fit of coughing. "You little brat!"

He goes after her. "AHH!" she screams.

Ifrit appears out of nowhere. "NOW THAT'S ENOUGH!"

Edea wipes her brow as she comes back on stage. "Whew! Okay, that's all we have time for. Until next time, goodbye."

"SPSHHH!"

"Ugh!"

End.


	3. Culinary Wars Results

Here we go again, you know the disclaimers. I don't own them, never did, never will. I love them all the same.

It's time for another installment of "Versus"!

Brought to you by…

"Want an out of this world fizzy tasting treat? Have a…

Mr. Fizzy Loire!

That's right! It's me, Laguna Loire promoting my new soda. Nothing tastes like it! It has a flavor that can only be described as…Mr. Fuzzy Loire!"

"Find it at any of your local shops. Guaranteed to perk you up and remember, all donations go to fixing the gardens. Oh, and see my show!"

Kiros interrupts. "Mr. FUZZY Loire? You messed up your own soda commercial!"

"Hey get off! This is my spot-

And now back to our show!

Edea greets the audience. "Thank you. Welcome back to "Versus". Controversial doesn't come close to describing the topics discussed on this show. However, the show we bring you today is a special edition. We are here to discuss the results of the "Culinary Wars" trial. On our panel today we have:

"…An eye witness to the events and a mime of extraordinary talents, Gogo."

Gogo walks on waving and quickly takes a seat. There's a gleam in his eyes.

"…A SeeD from Balamb Garden, Zell!"

Zell jumps on stage and hoots. "WaHOO!" Edea instructs him to sit.

"Next, we have a general from Vector, General Leo."

A big applause roars for the general as he smiles and sits down next to Gogo.

"Next, we have the keeper of the secret ingredients used on the show, Gau."

Gau is used to the crowd now and takes a seat by General Leo.

"ROAR!"

"Gau behave now." Edea warns. Gau bows his head. "Sawy."

Edea continues. "Next, we have a prince from Eblan, Prince Edge."

A few girls scream as he blows a kiss to the ladies in the audience. He takes a seat by Zell.

"Finally, he is on the hit show "Laguna's Travels", Kiros!"

He doesn't show up and Edea clears her throat. "Ahem! Kiros!"

"Coming! Coming!" Kiros is heard shouting as he runs from the sound box where he was pestering Laguna. Laguna is still up there and is heard on the mic.

"Hah! That'll teach you to butt in-

"Excuse me." Edea steps in. Laguna stammers. "Oh, I'm sorry."

"Hmph! What a way to introduce me. Couldn't you say former Galbadia soldier or a Representative of Esthar or something honorable?" Kiros complains to his chair.

As everyone is settled in, Edea begins the debate topic. "You all know how this show works, each person will express their views on the subject and when all have had their say, a free-for-all round will commence, where you will get to defend and rebut each other's arguments. However, in this debate, you will be choosing between the two chefs that competed and pick a winner. The chef with the most votes at the end of the show wins."

Edea looks at Gogo. "We shall start with Mr. Spence since he was there. Take it away."

Gogo claps his hands with excitement. "Wonderful! Well, I was there and Eiko and Master Tonberry put on an amazing show. It was so good to smell and see. So, I want to say…Aye yai yippee kai yay!" He starts to jump around.

The audience claps but Edea isn't impressed. "If that is all, we are moving on to General Leo."

"I'm done." He sits down.

Leo looks irritated. "I was not there and let me tell you, I was furious! I would have like to have been invited to that culinary feast. I mean, really, I would have loved a slice of warm blueberry pie."

The audience applauds, (I don't know why). He continues. "I know that Master Tonberry is, well, a master so…I WANT HIS PIE! There is no way a child could… well I'd try anyone's pie…I WANT PIE!"

Edea looks confused. "Next we shall move on to-

"Morgalamorph!" Gau speaks closely into his mike.

"Now behave yourself and tell what you think." Edea says to the wild boy.

Gau blushes slightly. "Um, Gau thinks dat Eiko did her best and das why I pick her food the best. And she's pwetty."

Edea gushes. "Awww…Next we have Zell."

Zell nods at the camera. "I like to eat stuff. But wasn't on the Show! Munjum!" He thinks to himself. "Gotta pick someone? Huh? Dilemma! Uh, what's a bonberry? Hey its-GAS! UUHN!" He passes out for some reason.

Edea looks a little alarmed and shakes Zell, but he doesn't wake up. "Zell! Well, let's move on to Prince Edge. (Zell, are you all right?)"

Edge shrugs. "Well, it's hard to say 'cuz I wasn't there, but come on! If this guy is such a master, he should win. That's what I think."

Edea looks over to Kiros. "Go ahead, Mr. Kiros."

Kiros turns his head up. "What do I think? How can you ask that? I wasn't on the show! This is ridiculous! Who's in charge of this show? LAGUNA, GET OUT OF HERE!"

Laguna is seen sitting at the very edge of the stage, trying to poke Kiros with a stick. "Nope! I'm gonna bug ya and bug ya-

Edea spots him and points to the exit. "You are not a part of this panel. Please leave. Now it is time for the free-for-all.

BRAAAA!

Kiros jumps up. "NO! We cannot go any further with this! Either we change the subject or get the tasting panel in here! It is absurd to think we can give a fair and unbiased opinion on something we did not taste nor experience! If I am going to judge food, I want the food I am judging here and now!"

Meanwhile, Laguna is busy poking Zell with a stick. Suddenly, Gogo stands up.

"Here's food!" He spins around and becomes a table lined with the food that was served at the show.

Edge leaps up in shock. "Oh my gosh! He turned into the food!"

Gau laughs and runs towards it and grabs a bowl of soup. "FOOD!" He slurps it up.

Edea doesn't know whether to stop them or not. "Oh! I don't know if that's a good idea."

Zell gets up at the smell of it and grins. "Alright! Here!"

He throws 2gil in. "TURN INTO A HOT DOG!"

Leo stands and runs toward it. "No! A PIE!"

Kiros eyes the food, uncertain and then shrugs. "As ridiculous as this all is, it is the only logical way to judge the food."

They all begin to eat.

"Hmm, not bad." Edge nibbles on a bon-bon.

"Gau likes Eiko food!"

"Which dish belongs to whom?" Kiros looks around the table for some signature.

Laguna is hiding under the table still poking with a stick. "You'll never be satisfied with anything. When you're dead and we bury you, you'll still be bossing Ward and I around telling us where to stick your rotting carcass. Oh, Kupo nuts!" He snatches one from a dish and eats it.

"I do like Eiko's dishes, but I think Tonberry's is better." Gogo says with a lettuce leaf stuck to his mask.

Edge jumps back. "H-how did you…?"

Kiros looks as if he's seen a ghost. "You're a Kupo NUT!" He points a shaky finger at Gogo.

"Oh yuck!" Leo starts to spit out the food.

Zell just laughs. "Ha hah! This is fun!"

He picks up and throws some of the food. Then he stands on top of the table and shows off his muscles. "LOOK AT MEEE!"

Kiros is fed up. "That's it! Laguna I hate you!"

Zell gets down off of the table. "I'll go with Tonberry 'cuz he's a GF! I didn't like any of the food, though."

Leo wipes his mouth. "I just pick Eiko. How revolting, no pie."

Edea looks around at the pig sty of a mess. "Ok, I think we've got two for Eiko three for Tonberry and one indecisive-

Suddenly, Ifrit shows up. "NOW THAT'S ENOUGH!"

Zell looks up at his lost GF. "HEY! Get back here, you're my GF!"

Ifrit looks at him and makes a dash for it. "Got to go! TIGGERBOM!"

(POOF!)

Zell throws his fists up. "NO!"

Edea signs off. "That's all we have time for tune in next time for "Versus". Bye!"


End file.
